Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead,
bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4 (NIV)
Such great stuff! For dads, it is VERY easy to exasperate or provoke to anger, our children. Right? We can take out dad and insert mom and put in the word, NAG! You know we can do this sooooo easily. Per this study that Chip Ingram has done for us, there are four things in this one verse that we are to do as parents. Better put, what God has called us to do as parents.
1. Don't provoke
2. Bring them up
3. Train them
4. Instruct them
Don't provoke-
don't tease them or nag them to the point of anger. Our kids getting angry with us is going to happen but don't push buttons. Don't say things to try and make them angry cause they made us angry. Don't say things to them to proof you are the parent in the situation if your only point is to get back at them.Bring them up-
simple and easily over looked. In order to bring them up, you have to BE there! Be present, be available. Parenting is a hands-on kind-a thing!Train them.
In some versions of scripture the word used here is discipline them. These two words, when taken back to their original intent and meaning, are interchangeable. It means to train, to teach, to coach. The word disciple is part discipline. So often, parents use the word punishment and discipline to mean the same thing. Punishment might be part of discipline but only part of it. Do you see the difference? The "train them" or "discipline them" part of this verse is the active part of parenting. It is what you DO to change, encourage, stop, etc certain behaviors in your children. So often I see parents getting so frustrated with some of their child's behavior. Reality is, the parents have not done any training to NOT have them behave that way. Humans are a strange creature. We are born with all this sin tendency. It is just there! Has anyone ever had to teach a child to misbehave? It is up to the parents to train, teach the behaviors that are desirable. No matter what age our children are, they are going to do things that need correcting or training as to the proper, expected way to do them. Instruct them.
This is similar to the above, "train them" but involves what we SAY to them. If you think about it, with small children, there is constant training going on. Rather there should be. As our children get older, the physical training of them decreases and the instruction part of parenting might edge out. However, if a child/teen does not respond appropriately when instruction is giving, then the parent has to revert back to training them. We might have to DO something rather than just talk to them. The hope is that our training has "worked" so well that the older they get, the instruction is all it takes. (please keep in mind, instruction is needed when they are you also.)There is so much that can be talked about with this but I guess I would like to wrap up these parenting cliff notes. At the base of how God wants us to parent our children is love them. Love them unconditionally and make sure they feel the love that you have for them. Part of that love really is training them, instructing them and bringing them up to be Godly people. Some children are VERY strong-willed and take lots of training and instruction. VERY strong-willed. (did I say very?) These kids give us gray hair, cause us to loose sleep at night and bring doubt into our minds as to our parenting ability. Other children are easy as pie in all aspects. Most children are somewhere in between. So, if I stick to parenting the way God has instructed me to parent, I can cover all the different "types" of children that need to be parented. Some are easy some are hard but all of them are God given, precious and need me/us/ you to PARENT them. Love them, teach them, talk to them, show them how to be Godly people.
To make sure your child actually feels all that love you have for them, a great book to read is The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Blessings!
