Again with the CHOICES!

I have said it before and I feel a need to say it again....

Life is all about choices.

This delightful looking child is my youngest...her name is Bella and she is 9.  She has Tourette's Syndrome (TS).  We have been struggling with how to best cope with this neurological disorder since she was 6. It has been a difficult road and most likely will continue to be but God has certainly been right there with us.  I can't imagine how difficult it would be without Him actually.

God was speaking to me very loudly this morning and I thought I would share with you what He told me.

At the end of last week Bella was having a very difficult time with her Tourette's.  Basically, what happens is she has uncontrollable motor and verbal tics.  She is nothing like what you see portrayed on TV when you see someone with Tourette's.  She does not shout profanities or throw herself around.  That is just Hollywood doing what they do best...exaggerating something to make it more entertaining.  Some people with TS have very large motor tics and even obscene verbal tics but most who deal with TS have ever changing minor to moderate uncontrollable physical movements and verbal outbursts.  These tics will get worse with anxiety and stress of any kind.  When I see Bella's tics increasing I have learned to dig a little and see what is bothering her.  She needs to learn how to recognize what is causing the increase in her tics so she can process the situation and move through it.  Sometimes she might be coming down with a cold or a bug of some sort which will cause her tics to skyrocket as well.  It really is a constant process of being in touch with her emotions and physical health.  It's rather exhausting actually but I can only imagine how exhausting it is for her.

I asked her last week when I noticed a tic increase if something was up.  She said no.  I pressed the issue a little but she was really unable to identify anything specific.  We moved on.  The weekend was ok...tics not too terrible.  This morning as she was getting ready for school she shared with me, through tears and tics, that she didn't want to go to school because nobody "gets her."  She went on to say that everyone thinks she is bad.  Well now...we need to chat a bit about that.   This must be the reason her tics where going bat crazy since mid last week. Here it is.  Her TS is like a never-ending game of Where's Waldo.  I never liked Waldo.

A quick overview of what Bella shared:  her teacher had pulled Bella aside, out into the hallway, last week and talked with her about a parent that had come in to talk about Bella and her behavior.  One of Bella's current tics is sticking her tongue out (Yea...I know....not too great for a 4th grader to be dealing with.  satan sucks!) and apparently this child was disturbed by it, took it personally and did not understand that it could not be helped.  This child's parent talked with the teacher about it.  The teacher pulled Bella aside to verify that the tongue issue was a tic and not Bella being naughty.  (picture a bear playing in the water with her cubs.....one cub is off, out of site....mama bear hears the cries of a cub...mama looks up to see an animal chasing the little cub....ggggggrrrrrrrrrrwww!!!)  Get the picture?!

My FLESH wanted to scream.  I wanted to call the teacher up, demand that she tell me who this parent was....what exactly did they say....and then explain to both the teacher and that parent, the torment that my child had been going through since being pulled aside into the hallway.  My flesh got so fiesty because I have had many conversations with the teacher about Bella's TS.  Bella even asked if she could talk to her class about her tics and what Tourette's is.  We found some great youTube educational video's done by kids, for kids, on TS.  Picture me yelling, "Are you joking me!"  Leave my kid alone!  Life is difficult enough without having to explain what has already been explained!  My child should not have been pulled aside, it should be obvious that she is not being naughty...she does this stupid tic of sticking her tongue out all the time....not just at this kid, who is probably a complete brat anyway!  

I could go on and on with what my brain was saying to itself...which happened in about a total of 30 seconds but felt like a week and a half!   Fortunately my Bella was off to school so I could process all this.  Anger with the teacher...anger with that parent!, anger with that snotty child, frustration at the lack of understanding, the NEED to call a few people and give them a piece of my mind.  Then God pulled me aside.
He gently reminded me of a few things...

Ecclesiates 7:9
 Do not be quick to anger, for anger lodges in the bosom of fools.

James 1:19
 You must understand this, my beloved: let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger;

It's not about NOT BECOMING angry because THAT would be impossible.  I see it as recognizing WHEN I get angry I need to know WHAY I do with it.  Anger is needed at times. I think we can all agree on that.  Scripture links quick to anger with being a fool.  I don't want to be a fool.  Who wants to be a fool, right?  It is at this very moment that I need to heed the Words of God.  I need to NOT be quick to anger.  I need to listen to my child, listen to the teacher to get the full story....I need to then pull all the info together and properly address anything that needs to be addressed.   I also need to take this opportunity to show my child what a life filled with Christ looks like.  Can I speak words of life to this?  (Proverbs 18:21 The power of life and death is in the tongue)  If I don't help train Bella as to how to deal with this, it will simply be harder for her to push through and deal with things in her life from a Godly perspective.  Now,  I am not saying that this moment is THE moment that I can mess up my kid, screw things up for her...blah blah blah....even though that's what satan would love for me to believe.  What I am saying is each day is so filled with choices.  As a parent, on this lil ol' day, in middle America...I had a choice.  

This is what I choose:

I will teach my daughter to be slow to anger (James 1:19).
I will teach my daughter to not be quick to judge others. (Matt 7:1,2)
I will teach my daughter to expect the best of others and not to jump to conclusions. (1 Cor 13)
I will teach my daughter to be patient with others because they just don't understand. (Eph 4:1-2, plus tons of others!)
Most importantly, I will try to SHOW my daughter that when life gets hard, which is does, I will rest in Him (Matt 11:28-30)...I will lean on Him and I will run to Him and His word for guidance   Because without this, I would be a quickly angered, impatient, foul mouthed fool who could do major damage with words....all in the name of protecting my child....but with the results of only hurting her.    

I praise God for His work in my life...I am lost without Him!  Selah.

Can't say it better!!

I have three children.  

A 14 year old girl, a 12 year old boy and a 9 year old girl.  

We are right at the beginning of the struggles and pitfalls of the teenage years.  And by "right at the beginning" I mean KNEE DEEP.  There was no ramp up for us.  There as been no "sort of...starting to....beginning of....heading in that direction" of all the issues that a parent is faced with as our babies turn into young ladies and gentlemen.  It feels like, BOOM, one day we just had to deal with so many topics that I knew would surface eventually but yikes...they are here!  I heeded the wise words of loving people that have assured me that they grow so fast and such-and-such times will be here before you know it.  (Having these loving, truth-telling, non-condescending people in my life is invaluable, btw!  I urge you to have people like this in your life too.) ACTUALLY, there had to be a ramp up to these days but I was not aware of that said ramp.  I missed the memo that the ramp was starting as I loaded my shopping cart with size 2 Pampers!  Grrrr.    ( Cue the fresh smell of Baby Magic. Cue the sight of cute lil tushies crawling away from you as you struggle to put footy pj's on your wee ones.)

Now...back to reality.  

This post is primarily about my oldest who is 14 and a girl.  Lord help me!  I am certain she will be powerful for the kingdom of God.  POWERFUL!  She is creative, artistic, hardworking, and very capable.  She is strong-willed and has been since leaving the womb. I am not exaggerating.  

She is in 8th grade and is dealing with so many things that I want so badly to help her through but I can only do so much.  The pitfalls of our enemy are everywhere.  I find myself wanting to unzip her, stuff her full of my 41 year old knowledge and zip her back up.  Can't be done.  I've tried.  I am always on the lookout for things that will help me to parent her in a Godly way.  I recently listen to a radio broadcast on Focus on the Family and I have linked it below.  This broadcast is so dead on that I didn't want to even try to re-say what they say.     I encourage you to listen and maybe even take notes!  

Comment at will!!  

  Here's the link:  Shaunti Feldhahn....Teens and their Cravings!

How does God feel about his creation?

The title of this post was posed to me during a recent Sunday service at my church.  What a great question right?  How do you think God feels about his creation?

Many years ago, before my walk with Christ began, I would have said something like this...

"Uuuummmmmm....I don't know.  Uuuummmmmmm.  I think maybe he likes it?  Oooorrrrrr, maybe he's upset with it?"


As I think about this question now,  I have to say, I started to smile.  I felt myself wanting to pull a "Horshack"  (for those of us born in the 1900's, you will know this reference to Welcome Back Kotter).  Inside my lil brain I raised my hand, waving it a bit and said...OOOOoooo!  OOOooooo!  Pick me!  I know the answer!"

Who do I think I AM to dare say I know that answer to such a question?  (I am a child of God that's who! but that's another post entirely)  Let me explain.

Because of His gentle Spirits' work in my life, I approach seemingly profound questions with tons of clarity.  God has gifted me with three children and through them I am better able to consider how God sees me.  So I ask myself, how do I feel about MY creation?  How do I feel about my children?

I have a 14 yr old, a 12 yr old and a 9 yr old.  For the most part I am just trying not to kill them each day.  Seriously....I often have to debate with myself to see if the pleasure of backhanding them would be worth it.  I say this in jest partly but I think you get my meaning.  Kids are really tough.  They drain every bit of my energy, they drain my bank account, they suck the life out of me, literally (if you were a nursing mom) and figuratively.  I could go on and on.  I bet you could too if you were being honest.

HOWEVER as I thumb through pictures of my three little babies from not so long ago...I just...I just..."heavy sigh."  I think back on those days with such joy.  Such fondness.  As I watch my kids come bounding home from school and they share their day with me, as they ask me to tuck them in or fix their bedcovers...or they ask "could you make a sandwich for me.  It tastes better when you make it ma." (yes, they are being lazy but no one makes a sandwich like mama, right)....

Or how about when I overhear my child say something that I know he/she learned from me.  I think of the moments when I get an inkling that my years of devotion, hard work and love have paid off and my kids are actually getting it. Or how about when we catch siblings red handed getting along and having fun together.

Aaaahhhhh...it is so satisfying.  So joyful.  So delightful!  I love my creation.  I love my children dearly!  I would do anything for them, no matter what the cost to me.  It is important that they know I love them.  I will spend the rest of my life expressing my love to them.  I will do my best to parent them in a way that is best for them, not for me or my own gain.  They are my joy.......they are my greatest creation.  They are mine and nothing can change the love I have for them.

Let me wipe a tear.....and bring this full circle...

Let's read about how God feels about his creation.

For we are God's masterpiece Eph 2:10

In the image of God, he created them, both male and female Genesis 1:27

God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. Genesis 1:31

See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God  1 John 3:1

...God’s love has been poured out into our hearts... Romans 5:5

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God...

Romans 8:38-39

I could go on and on but I hope you got my point.  God loves you.  You are his creation!  He adores you and delights in you just as you delight in your own children.  All he does (just like what WE do for our own babies) is based on his love, for us.  Even a fleeting moment, of realization, of his great love for you is life changing.  My prayer is that you are able to feel it.  

Do you want to be healed?

The title of this post might seem a little strange. Who wouldn't want to be healed?  Right? Lets talk about that.

There is a wonderful passage in the book of John.  John 5:1-18 to be exact.  I would encourage you to read these verses if you are unfamiliar with them.  (Nothing can replace the reading of actual Words of God!) Now, these verses are chock full of wonderful concepts and lessons that God needs us to know.  I would like to look at just one lesson from these verses, which is based on the Do you want to be healed? portion of this.  

In summery, Jesus is heading to Jerusalem and goes to a town called Bethesda which is where a healing pool is located.  Apparently the water in this pool heals people. Let's picture the scene based on scripture.  There's a lake... surrounded by lame, sick, diseased, dying and paralyzed people.  It's probably hard to walk near it without stepping on people. I can just see it.  One man that has been paralyzed for 38 years sticks out to Jesus.  Jesus asks him, right off the bat, "Do you want to be healed?".   The man basically says, yes I do but I don't have anyone to put me in the water and every time I am almost in, someone steps on me and gets in first.      Now stop...look at that.      Really read it.  As I read it two things jumped out....

1.  Duh...of course I want to be healed.  What a (dare I say) dumb question.
2.  Ok, so you are not the first one in the pool...why not just flop yourself in anyway.     What's up with the whole someone gets in the pool before me deal.  The mama in me says, this is not a contest so just get in the pool for Pete's sake.

I want to address #2 first.  Because I am a complete study nerd, I looked into the in the pool first portion of my wonderings.  Turns out there are manuscripts dating back to the original language and text that go into more detail about this healing pool.  The King James bible version does a good job at painting a bigger picture for us.  Bare with me please...this is good.  Manuscripts tell us that this pool would be stirred up from time to time by an angel.  The first person in the pool, when the water was being stirred, was healed.  This explains why this paralyzed man was so bugged by not being first.  Not first in the water, no healing.  So, my second question is address and answered.  More questions pop up at this point but lets just focus on that.

Now to the dumb question portion of my wonderings.  Why does Jesus ask the man if he wants to be healed?  Doesn't everyone want to be healed?

I have come to realize, the answer to that question is no.  Not everyone wants to be healed.  What happens when a person gets healed?  Hard work happens.  Pain is pushed through.  Fears are faced.  Diseased portions of our souls are cut out.  To be healed is hard work.  In a paralyzed persons case, when the muscles work again, he/she needs to exercise parts of the body that have not been worked.  To physically move around would be painful at first.  The hard work of laboring to make your way in the world would have to start.  Getting a job, finding food, earning a living by doing anything, would have to be faced for the first time.  Up until the healing, the paralytic that Jesus addressed would have been begging for food, shelter, clothes... or his family would have been providing it for him.  Now, that's not a great life at all but is sure is easier.

You might not be dealing with paralysis but what is it that YOU need to be healed from?


To be healed from a dependence on drugs and alcohol means allowing your body to go through pain and anguish as your body rids itself of the chemicals.  THEN the hard work begins.  A person needs to search through painful memories and experiences to see why he/she was desiring to blur their lives in the first place. 
To be healed from being a hoarder, a person has to dig in to get to the root of what they are desiring to hold on to.
To be healed from being an enabler means not helping people that you have helped, to their destruction, which means watching them go through tough times and usually not having them in your life.  
To be healed from being co-dependant on a person means starting to do for yourself.  It means pushing away from someone and standing on your own two feet.  
To be healed from blaming others for the woes of ones life means pointing the finger inward vs. outward.  It means coming to the realization that you and you alone are responsible for your life and where it is.  
To be healed from anger means forgiving people that you feel hatred for. It means facing the pain that caused that anger.  
To be healed from being lazy means getting a job (even if it is not a great job and below your pay grade), doing laundry when you don't want to, cleaning the house when you'd rather play, planning meals for your family, budgeting your finances (no matter how much your finances are or aren't), getting up early or going to bed late in order to make the day go smoothly. (and the list goes on and on with this one!)
To be healed from self-centeredness and pride (as well as false pride) means facing the reality that YOU are not the center.  It means putting your kids first.  It means putting your husband or wife in front of yourself.  It means seeing the people and situations from God's perspective and not YOURS.  (ouch!) 
To be healed from the deception of believing you are "of this world" rather than the truth of "we are in this world" (John 15:19, Romans 12:2) you have to come to lots of painful realizations.   That your money is not yours, peoples opinions are not most important, comfort is not a guarantee, daily sacrifice is needed, if the world says the answer is yes...the correct answer is most likely no.  

This list just scratches the surface.  In conclusion, I ask you...

Do you want to be healed?

(I would encourage you to share any thoughts on this.  I would love to hear what you have to say.)