Parenting on Purpose

Ok...Easter break has just ended. Back to reality. My children had from Good Friday off until the Sunday after Easter. I am glad to be back to "normal" or as close to it as I could possibly get. One thing that came to mind recently is, am I parenting on purpose? What exactly does that mean? Well, this is what I mean. Did you chose to become a parent or did the fact that you now have children kind of surprise you? In my case, it was a very conscious thing. All three of my children were "tried for" and I grieve because I would love to have more but due to an auto accident, I am not able to. Ok....think about this in your own circumstance. Whether your child/children were planned for or came unexpectedly....are you parenting them on purpose. How about WITH purpose? Does your day just go by and then the next day just goes by? Do you enjoy your children? Are you savoring the moments you have with them or just getting through them? Are you enjoying the current stage they are in or are you looking ahead to the next stage? I think these are really important questions that each mom needs to ask herself. How about this....have you realized that children have to be taught EVERYTHING!! I mean everything. They don't just automatically have manners. They don't automatically know that eating junk food is bad for you. They don't just brush their teeth each morning and evening even though you have asked them to 1,000 times. They don't just know that they should be respectful of their parents. They don't just know that it is time for bed. They don't just know how to answer the telephone properly. When my son gets all snotty and rude, I must correct him. EACH TIME!! When my daughters get snotty and disrespectful, I must correct them. EACH TIME. Our children need us to guide them each day....often regarding the same things we have guided them about time and time again. I realizes that some people might say, duh....I know this. But do we? Do we really know this and live this with our children? We are their whole world for such a short time. It is during this short time that we must teach them so many things. What an important job we have as mom's. Each day I need to parent them on purpose. On purpose, with intent, with meaning, with a point. The time will soon be here when they will not need me much. I want to love them, teach them, guide them...did I mention love them, while I have them. The days with my kids are not just days to be "gotten through". Keeping this frame of mind is hard at times. Ok...often, it is hard to keep this frame of mind. Especially when you have been up all night with them or they make you want to pull your hair out for any number of reasons. I would like to encourage my fellow mom's to keep at it. Love those babies, TEACH them, guide them and bring them up in the way they should go and rest assure...when they are old they will not stray from it!! ( that last part was from Proverbs! = 0 ))

Found what I was looking for

Ok.....if you have read my previous post, you will know that I quoted a scripture but was unable to locate it's spot in the Word. Well, I said I would work on it and get back to you.

It is Deuteronomy 31:6.

God says he will never leave us, abandon us, or forsake us. Some versions say....never drop us. Cool. Love it!! I rest on this. Amen? Amen.

Faith vs. Fear

Faith and fear. Two little words. They are so significant in my life. I was listening to the radio this morning and heard this quote from Dr. Henry Hendricks. "Faith and fear are always in conflict in the Christian life." sehla!!!! Boy...that really speaks to me. I used to be a fairly fearful person. That is what was at the root of my controlling nature. Now, it took me a while to recognize this root of fear, but that is what it was. In my mind, if I could control all aspects of my surroundings, all aspects of my day, my world, I could keep bad stuff out. Yep...control was the answer. I have come to know....I mean KNOW...that if I am in control then that means I have placed myself above God. ME....higher than GOD! Good grief. When I see it in black and white....how ridiculous. For people that were not raised in a Christian home, this concept of self over God might come easy. The switching around to God over self might take quite a journey. On the other hand, for people raised in a Christian home AND have had some not so great things happen to them (which is more the norm than not), they might have a hard time REALLY putting God first. They might SAY God is first but their actions say otherwise. (after all, where was this God when yucky things were going on?) These people do all the right things, say all the right things but they are not living in any more freedom and peace than a non-Christian. Both scenarios...sad. So, what is a girl to do? Where is the answer? Well, I think the two words faith and fear kind of sum it all up. Well, for me it begins to sum it up. It gives me a starting place. I ask myself...am I afraid? Am I making a decision out of fear or with wise council and prayer? Do I find myself filled with anxiety about (fill in the blank)? Am I the one in control or at least I try to make it feel that way? If the answer to any of those questions is yes, then at the root of this is FEAR. Go ahead, think about it. If you peel the layers away, if you get to the root of each of those, as well as many other behaviors, you will find fear. Now, for those that are Believers, or for those that would like to be, or those that are doubtful but are at their wits end so they will try God on for size......I will give you this. In scripture, we are told "do not be afraid" time and time again. As a matter of fact, 365 times. Huh...interesting. Once for each day. Why is this said so much? Well, I have come to know our Lord and He tells us things about ourselves that we don't even realize. He knows that people, believers or current doubting believers or even unbelievers, will be afraid. Because of this fallen world we live in, fear is here. Fear is here to stay...as long as we let it. AS LONG AS WE LET IT. Fear is NOT from God, fear pushes us away from God (not God moving away from us but US doing the pushing), and most importantly, fear masks itself in all sorts of ways. So many ways. Ok....now what do we do? Well, I have come to know some scripture that has been very helpful to me. Well, all scripture has been helpful to me = 0 ) but here are some verses that I find myself leaning on and they have NEVER failed me. NEVER. (did I say NEVER failed me...i am a girl who has been failed by both parents, an adoptive parent, friends, best friends, boyfriends, aunts, uncles, etc...even my husband at times.....now, most of these people mentioned are good, kind, loving people. They did not mean to fail me but they did at one time or another) But God has never failed me...his word has never failed me. Ok....sorry....got off on a rabbit trail. Where was I? Oh yes, verses.

1 John 4:18 says...

There is no fear in love.

Ok....this verse says, there is no fear in love. You might be saying...ok. I get that. Who cares? How does that help me? Well, I want you to see THIS verse.

1 John 4:16 says...

God is love.

See where I'm goin'? Rather, see where God is going? Let's do some math. The word is, can be replaced with the = sign. Right? Right. So, with that, God = love. They are equal. They are the same. If we are fearful...we NEED to know that this is not God's design. This fear that we feel is not from God. NOT FROM GOD!! God knows that we are going to be/feel afraid. He told us we would by saying, don't be afraid 365x's. He is also telling us that this fear is not from him. If it is not from Him, where is it from? or maybe this...regardless of where it is from, we now know it is not from God. Do we really want anything that God says is not from Him? Not me. Not me. I think it is important to say, "in all things be well-balanced" (1 Peter 5:8) sooooo...if you are in the woods and a bear is chancing you, be afraid. And run. Also, I have times when I am feeling what I would call afraid and I have come to recognize it as God giving me the heads up on something. So try to STOP being afraid and just pray about it. Know what I mean? Okay......IF God tells us not to be afraid, how come we all feel so afraid so often? I am going to be bold and say, if you are a person who feels afraid more often than not, this is saying that your faith is not where God would like it to be. I know, I know...who do I think I am!!?? Well, I only speaking from personal experience. When I ran toward God, when I began to dive into my faith and all that that means, when I started to read the Word, we I started to pray.....my fear subsided. My faith grew and my fear subsided. I know that God has me. He has me. He will not drop me or forsake me. (this is scripture too but I am not finding it at this moment...I will work on it and get back to you). When one feels secure, loved, held....fear melts away. Why? Because fear and faith are always in conflict in the Christian life.

Here's a book you will want to get

I was listening to the radio and there was a children's book author speaking about his book. The more I listened, the more I realized I needed this book. I came home....bought it online....received it a few days later.....LOVE it. I think it is a must for anyone who needs to explain pretty big concepts to the little people in our lives. I am going to keep a few copies on hand to give as gifts too. There is a bonus that comes with book too. (who doesn't like a bonus!)
Here it is....I am the kind of girl that understands things best when presented in a childlike manner. I gained some insight from this little book too! BONUS! (I have a link on the book so just click on the title!...I love technology)

What God Has Always Wanted by Charles F. Boyd

More alike than different

Here's the thing...I have come to realize we are sooooo much more alike than different. Now, I know most of you say...Yeah, I know that. But really. Do you realize that? So often in my everyday communication with the rest of the population, I have come face to face with the truth that we are all so alike. In my younger, much less wise days, I felt alone quite often. Now, by alone, I mean ALONE. I felt like I was dealing with issues that no one else was dealing with. I knew my "things" were not too terribly huge or significant but in the same breath, I felt like most people I encountered had it all goin' on and I was far from that place! For whatever reason, I did not have the "answer" to whatever quiz was being given. I thought everyone else did. Heck, sometimes I felt so far out of it that I not only did not have the answers to the quiz, I didn't even know we were having a quiz til after the papers were being handed in. Anyone follow me? (Sorry for the school analogies...I have three children all in grade school)
Well, let's fast forward. I have come to know that we are all so alike. This did not happen when I became an adult. This did not even happen when I got married or even when I started having children. This realization came to me when I was shown a side of our world that is the most important side. Faith. If you have been following this blog, you probably expected me to say that. Faith....such a wonderful thing. More specifically, my faith in Christ. (relax, I am not a bible thumper....I just love Jesus) Now, this was a process. I did not just wake up one day with faith in God. I was raised in a Christian home. A Catholic home to be specific. But the complete understanding of what that really meant did not occur until I became involved in a Mom's Group at a local church. I was invited to come to this group by an acquaintance. My family had just moved to town and I was LONELY!! Sooooo lonely. I had a not a twenty-two month old and a six month old. My husband was working hard and not home a ton. I did not realize this group was faith based and quite frankly I didn't care. I heard free child care, free coffee and adult conversation....I was there! If they required that I come naked, I still would have been there. Yeah...not kidding. Fast forward to now....This Mom's Group was wonderful. It was the beginning of an unfolding of my soul. I began to interact with other mom's, other wives, other human beings...in a way that was new to me. I began to learn biblical principles that had been IN my bible all along. I was seeing them for the first time, understanding them for the first time. Rather than seeing "other" moms and "other" women as having it all together, I began to see that we were all so similar. We just wanted to love our kids, love our husbands, be loved BY them, share our stories...and not be judged. We all needed encouragement that we were on the right path. I can to see... sometimes we all feel fat and ugly, sometimes we all feel like terrible moms, sometimes we all feel like we have no friends, sometimes we all feel alone. I now have Christ in my life (I thought I did before this but came to realize I did not). I have great days, good days, yucky days and down right horrible days. I have friends in my life that I have grown to love in such an incredible way. I can reach out to share heartache. I can reach out to share complete joy and feel their happiness for me. My faith, my continual walk with God showed me all this and more. I have come to learn that our enemy loves to make us think we are alone. The truth is we will never be alone or left behind...we just need to recognize this truth and walk in it. It is an active process. Can I encourage you to step out there and realize what I realized. We are all way more similar than different.

NEW Feature

Just a quick note....take a peak to the left side of my blog and notice the "subscribe" area. A dear friend of mine who happens to be a computer geek ( I say that will tons of love)...applied this to my blog. You can put your email into the space provided and you will get an email update whenever I post a new blog. Cool huh!! Try it and see if it works. Chat soon...

My Mouth....My greatest strength and my most powerful weapon. Yikes

Ok....so...the question is...what do you see as your biggest weakness and your biggest strength? Think about it a moment..............What are mine? Well, thanks for asking! = 0 )

The answer to both is my mouth. Yep. My mouth. My words have gotten me into so much trouble over the years. "Lipping off" as a child, being inappropriately sarcastic, talking too much in class, lying for no reason (even when the truth was just fine to tell....saying to myself afterwards, "why did I just do that!), telling secrets that I shouldn't have, oh boy...the list goes on and on. On the other hand, my words have given encouragement to people in need, greeted people warmly, conveyed a message in the perfect way, gotten me good grades in school, shoot, my words even got me the blue ribbon in a 5th grade poetry contest! (beat that!) In my life now, I get to express my deep love to my children OR I can harp on them like a lap dog barking at the door bell! My words can make my husband feel like a good man and a great dad OR my words can reduce him to a sad little boy. My words can get me lots of quick helpful advice when calling the cable company for the 15th time OR they can get me hung up on and my cable turned off. In my Christian walk, I remember very clearly when it came to my attention that God had lots to say about our tongues. Now wait...the God of the universe, the creator of all things has something to say about MY words, MY mouth? It was at this point that I took an honest look at what harm and what good I was capable of. Never before had I thought about the consequences of my words. Yes, I realized the consequence to ME but not to those all around me, in such a profound way. Let's take a look at a little bit of scripture that deals with what we say. You will be amazed if you are not familiar with these verses OR if you are familiar with them, I think it will be a nice refresher.

James 3:5-10 (Message Bible)
It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell. This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can’t tame a tongue—it’s never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer. With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women he made in his image. Curses and blessings out of the same mouth!

(Wow! When I first read those words of scripture, I could not believe it! Now, I was aware that I needed to be nice and all that. But the realization that God had something to say about it! He was clarifying the reality that my tongue, your tongue, people's tongues can do so much damage. They can be quite a blessing as well. To me this as just a call to watch what I say..always...and understand the power it/I have. Let's read some more.)

Proverbs 17:27

The one who knows much says little; an understanding person remains calm.

(Shoot, I thought it was important that I tell EVERYONE what I thought about whatever even if they don't ask! God is telling me that it is not just me that does this but lots of people. I want to be an understanding person...so....keep quiet. Don't talk so much. )

Proverbs 21:23
Watch your words and hold your tongue;
you’ll save yourself a lot of grief.

Proverbs10:19
The more talk, the less truth;the wise measure their words.

This might be my favorite.....

Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.

(Now, that just says it all!)

In just Proverbs alone, there are 105+ references to our mouths, words, tongues...and what harm they can do or what a blessing they can be. In my walk, when I learned this...it was such an eye opener to me. I needed to get outside myself. I needed our Lord to show me that it was not all about me. My actions had consequences. My words had power. It was up to me to decide if I was going to be powerful for good OR not so good. The choice was mine. So, in my life today, as a mom, wife, friend, etc...I need to remind myself of the power of EVERY word that comes out of my mouth. I need to give life with those words. I have asked for forgiveness for the words of death I have spoken over the years. AND...I have realized that I will always have words of death that are itching to come out. That does not go away. EVER. But, as a Christian, walking with God enables me to give those thoughts, feelings, words to Him. He then calmes me and HE takes my words of frustration, anger, fear and sadness. With His help I have not unleashed those unkind things on those that I love most or even those that I don't even know. I fail miserably at times but I can keep trying and I think I keep getting better. Praise God!! Can I get an Amen!! = 0 )

Oh yeah...one last thing....with the help of God, this verse doesn't seem as scary...

Matthew 12:36 tell us...

But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken.

(I know, this verse hurts but the Truth hurts....I share all this in complete love.)